When Apathy and Self-Loathing Take Over Your Life


This past May I turned 66, and I feel like I am 166 on a life-support system.  This was not an inevitable turn, though if you looked at my bloated, gouty blob you might think so.

Since college, I have been on a weight rollercoaster.  In my best moments – and there have been at least eight of them between six months and six years – I have been svelte and fit to the point of doing 1000 pushups and situps a day on several of those occasions.  Yet eventually, in each case, I have rebounded and began to loathe the day I was born.

I am smart to the tune of a 144 IQ, yet my life results show me to be dumb as a rock.

My children range between apathy and ridicule of me.  And my wife bounces between love, pity and antipathy toward me.  Tonight she is incensed because she is working herself to the bone and trying to improve her lot, while I am seemingly just drifting toward my early grave with no meaningful legacy.

Why do I write this low-energy lament to you in the world of nobodies going nowhere?  Because I know i am not alone in being an abject failure.   Despite having the environment which could have led to a much more favorable result, I have seen the worst in my mind and received what I deserve.  Stinkin’ thinkin’ has been at work – overtime!

Which brings me to my site, wishfully titled (in a moment of clarity), Empowered For Achievement.  My premise was relatively simple:

Less than 10 percent of the planet’s population control between 80-90 percent of the money and assets.  This is wrong.  This is fixable.  And this is a passion I have – to set up a learning environment that can give the empowerment skills to the 90 percent living in ignorance who are chasing carrots, living under a bridge, or dieing very young due to malnutrition and lack of basic necessities for survival.  I believe passionately that through a proper education matching that of the affluent and wise can arise a world revival of a divine mission to live on purpose for all Mankind.  In my vision, we will no longer need safety nets because we will have the tools and confidence to tame even the most hostile of environments.  We will understand our infiniteness, and no longer harbor the feeling that knowledge and opportunities must be hoarded due to lack of both.  Moreover, we must never ever leave our education to people – including parents and family members – who fear the success of the many, praise safety over risk-taking, never question authority, and hold onto low self-esteem as a defence against the world of the possible.

I know this message can, will, and should resonate with the billions of silent sufferers of low self-esteem worldwide.  No matter how shity life may seem, you were born to make a difference.  Let’s not sit out this existence because we didn’t learn how to learn and didn’t learn what was important in our youth.  Look in the mirror – eyeball to eyeball with yourself and say:

I will not let my life be hijacked a day longer.  I will not let anyone guilt-trip me into complacence, resignation, inevitable underachievement or insignificance.  I will be fascinated with all learning and not be ashamed because of my glaring blindspots and insufficiencies at present.  Once I learn to learn, I promise my Maker that I will do the utmost to help others where they are weak or disrespected because of generational ignorance.  The tables will be turned and the many will finally have the most of Heaven on Earth.

Join me.  Teach life lessons and life skills as part of a wiki site here.  Make a proposal or suggestion at richardposner@empoweredforachievement.com.


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